I would love to end abortion — at least the kind of abortion that everyone thinks of when they say “abortion.” You know, able-bodied woman conceives, probably from some torrid affair or in the back seat of a car, finds herself pregnant and doesn’t want to keep it. You know, abortion as a form of birth control.

Ending abortion doesn’t start with protests outside of clinics, it definitely doesn’t start with bombings, it doesn’t start with sappy TV commercials and billboards, it starts with education.

If you educate about sex and birth control and babies you lay a foundation of informed choices going forward.There is so much misinformation even now about sex and pregnancy.

A couple of things that drive me crazy off the top of my head:

Plan B: Plan B and other forms of emergency contraception DO NOT cause abortions.  What these pills do is send a giant dose of hormones to your body telling it not to ovulate. If you are already pregnant, it will not hurt the baby in the slightest. There is some question about the thickening of the uterine lining and not allowing fertilized eggs to implant, but this can happen naturally, without the use of hormones.

Conception: More or less all pro-lifers love to say that life begins at conception, which is great, but many people, even doctors, don’t know exactly when conception happens. This is because sperm can live in the uterus for up to a week, just swimming around, doing their thing. They’re waiting for an egg to drop, which remains viable for a day or two before dying. While we can track ejaculation and we can track ovulation, without implanting cameras in everyone’s uterus, it’s really hard to know exactly when the two meet. It’s not like, sex, bam! you’re pregnant!

Choose life, your mother did: I hate this saying! It’s assuming that no one wants babies, but they find themselves pregnant and just decide to keep it. It’s really cute, but totally trivializes the decision to become a parent. It assumes everyone who has ever gotten pregnant was sitting in an abortion clinic waiting room at one point and walked out of there still knocked up. Because nobody likes babies. Nope, not at all. It’s not like they’re cute and lovable and challenging and rewarding and amazing and a giant mess but totally worth it in the end. It’s not like motherhood has ever been the end-all be-all of womanhood or anything. Nope. No one has ever wanted to get pregnant ever. But they all chose life. Because their mother did.

Before we start judging, lets learn a thing or two about the female body, about pregnancy, and about babies. The more we know, the more we can prevent unwanted pregnancies and the more ready, willing and able parents we will have.

I’ve come to believe the North Dakota Legislature is afraid of sex.

Between blocking the NDSU grant and the myriad of abortion bills, it all boils down to sex. Intercourse. Coitus. Relations.

Having the sex talk can be awkward. It can make you blush, it can bring up questions you just don’t want to ask. But it needs to be had.

The biggest takeaways from the sex talk are don’t have sex until you’re married and sex=babies. That message hasn’t changed for the North Dakota Legislature.

No talk of birth control to be had. No recognition that the average woman got married at age 20 in 1960 and 50 years later she married at 26. No recognition that college takes time and money. No recognition that marriage is not the magic ceremony that turns children into adults the way it once was. No recognition that very few people are virgins when they’re 26.

So we got the sex and marriage thing out of the way… let’s talk sex and babies.

Obviously, we all know sex=babies. If you have sex, you’re probably going to have a baby, unless you use precautions, but that still only cuts down your chances. Other than sterilization and abstinence, no birth control is 100 percent effective at preventing pregnancy and only abstinence is 100 percent effective at preventing STDs. Those are facts that NEED to be stressed.

If you lay out all the facts about birth control to teens and let them know the BEST option for the their future is abstinence, rather than saying its the only acceptable choice, or else, most are going to make informed decisions for their future. The others were lost causes to begin with.

Okay, so we know sex=babies, and we know there are ways to make sex ? babies, or at least lower the chance substantially. Which brings me to this strange attitude toward sex and babies people have.

One of the funniest arguments against birth control I’ve read is that it makes sex have no consequences. That babies are just consequences of sex. That no one really wants a baby, but they want to have sex and babies are just a consequence of sex. If we could choose not to, humans would not procreate.

This is absurd! Everyone loves babies! Just because people don’t want babies “right now” doesn’t mean they won’t want babies later, when they’re making more money, when they own a house, when their student debt is at a manageable level.

We’re lucky to live in a world where if you get pregnant, the likelihood of raising a child who will grow up to be an adult is extremely high. That wasn’t always so. We know so much more about pregnancy and childbirth and child care now than we did even 50 years ago.

I don’t understand why there are some people who believe that pregnancy has to happen by mistake. If someone intentionally gets pregnant their child will have a much better shot than those who see pregnancy as an unintended consequence of sex.

People who plan pregnancy start taking prenatal vitamins, begin avoiding pregnancy no-nos like second-hand smoke and alcohol before conceiving. If people aren’t actively trying  to get pregnant and they conceive, there’s a six to eight week period where a woman will engage in behaviors they would mostly likely not if they knew they were carrying a child, including over imbibing, smoking or even eating too much mercury-laden fish.

The best time to start thinking about babies is BEFORE conception… not after, not at 20 weeks, not at birth.

So, let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about sex early and often and then let’s talk about babies. Let’s talk about giving babies and children the best environment to grow in, even before they come into this world.

Shame on you, Gov. Jack Dalrymple, for thinking that women and doctors know less about their bodies than politicians. Shame on you for thinking we’re all just idiots and belong barefoot and pregnant. I wouldn’t be surprised if you made women’s shoes illegal by executive order next.

Shame on you.

Abortion as a form of birth control is stupid, irresponsible and anyone who uses this as their main form of birth control should be ashamed. There are so many ways to NOT get pregnant in the first place.

That being said, abortion should be legal.

I believe abortion as a medical procedure should be legal because making it illegal does not stop women from terminating their pregnancies. Making abortion illegal can change the course of treatment when a woman is miscarrying. Making abortion illegal makes women carry their rape babies.

We had illegal abortion for many years in the country and it didn’t work. Women died at the hands of back alley abortionists. Their fertility was forever ruined. It was a dark time that many alive don’t remember.

I’m very disappointed in Gov. Dalrymple right now. I can’t believe he thinks so little about the women in this state. North Dakota women are strong, independent and know what to do with our bodies.

So tell me, governor, where do I turn in my shoes?

I know a lot of people are opposed to the commercialization of Facebook (remember when you needed a .edu email to get in?) but there is some good to come out of it. Here are the things I enjoy following on Facebook here. Some are businesses, some are government entities, all are useful.

Dickinson Area Public Library: They have A LOT of cool events at the library and always put new books available on their facebook page.

Dickinson Police Department

Lillian’s: They’re not open everyday, but always put on facebook when they are.

Our two yogurt joints (in alphabetical order): Cherry Berry and Tutti Frutti

Bakken Oil Field Fail of the Day: It usually posts more than once a day… super funny and slightly scary things going on in the Oil Patch

The Brew

Those are my favorite things to follow here in Dickinson, what are yours? Share in a comment!

There’s nothing worse than being single on Valentine’s Day…………………………………. except for being in a relationship.

Why is this worse, you ask? Because women hate each other and treat each other like crap. Not all women, mind you, but there are enough b—-es in this world to give the rest of us a bad name and make us doubt ever so much.

Women are so competitive when it comes to men that it makes me sick, because most guys out there aren’t that great UNTIL they meet the right girl. (Have you been watching HIMYM? Ted and Barney as a-holes most of the time. Where Marshall [played by my dream guy Jason Segel] is a sweetheart because he’s with his sweetheart.)

At least, when you’re single, it’s a great excuse to eat chocolate and have a burger, where there is so much pressure to have an amazing Valentine’s Day if you’re in a relationship, and you really have no control over what happens, it’s all supposed to be up to him.

Did you get a nice bouquet of red roses… from Walmart? Guess what, that co-worker you don’t like got a beautiful bouquet that cost twice as much deliver as a “surprise” from the EXPENSIVE flower shop. (Yeah right, she probably took his credit card and set the whole thing up herself weeks ago.) But all flowers die, anyway.

He got you a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a teddy bear? Cliche, but cute! What… HER husband got her hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries flown in from France and a new puppy! Seriously?

Valentine’s Day puts unneeded pressure on relationships. They make you question someone that previously didn’t need questioning. It’s never good when you equate material things for love, but when someone else does it for you and makes you doubt something solid, that’s even worse.

So I’m glad I’m single on Valentine’s Day, because I get to eat treats and sell stuff to those poor guys who are unknowingly competing with their wife’s friend’s boyfriend.

Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

So I’m not much of a friend, I guess.

The other weekend, a friend from out of town came up. She played black jack at the bar while I was at work and worked out and I met her with another friend at about 11. When we caught up with her she was already a few sheets to the wind and proceeded to order two more beers while we sat at Bar No. 1.

Our male friend had Diet Coke, I had water. I like a good beer here and there, but most of the beer at the bars in this town isn’t what I would call good, so it really just amounts to empty calories. Plus I was driving. I have a hand-me-down auto start, which is why I think my friends like it when I drive.

After two rounds at Bar No. 1, we decided to head off to Bar No. 2. My female friend had almost a whole beer, so she chugged it. Off to my toasty car we went.

At Bar No. 2 my female friend quickly disappeared while my male friend an I took a seat near the dance floor to critique the drunks around us. This has become quite a game. I saw my female friend at the black jack tables for a bit, but then she disappeared quickly into the crowd, only to reappear shortly before I yelled “Lights are on, make sure she’s cute!” — a warning to the oil field workers who may be taking “home” not-so-cute girls.

At this point, we decided to get some food.

My friend was a bubbling idiot at the restaurant. She kept talking about women’s rights, and how there should be a study to see how it affects the American family, but in the next breath says she knows she doesn’t want to get married and have kids yet. I was getting ready to punch her Republican face, until I remembered she was a drunk bumbling idiot at the time.

Food in the tummy does help absorb alcohol and sober you up, but I don’t think she had quite enough food. I had told her time and time again my guest room or couch was more than available to her.

When we got to her car to grab her pajamas, she elected to get in her car and drive the 30 miles home, rather than grab the jammies and hop back in my car. She said she needed to be up early.

I was feeling a little guilty at the time. And the more I think about it, the more I know I was wrong. I should have locked her in my back seat until she got to my place. I should have made her give my male friend the keys to her car and drive it to my place so she could leave extra early and her car would be right there. I should have done so many things, because what if something bad happened. What if she got a DUI? What if she drove off the road and hurt or killed herself? What if she got in a collision and killed someone else? I would be forever racked with guilt because I could have prevented that.

Luckily, I got a text about an hour later saying she had made it home. She promised to take “back roads” so as to avoid cops as well as other drivers.

I never drive if I’ve had more than two beers. In fact, if I can feel even the tiniest affect of alcohol, I hand over the keys.

But North Dakotans don’t have this attitude, I’ve come to find.  I don’t know if it’s the ruralness of the state and the dependence on vehicles, or if it’s an overabundance of cheap beer, or if it’s the low consequences of a DUI, compared to other states. It bothers me how quick people are to get behind the wheel when they’ve been drinking.

I don’ t know what can be done to change the attitudes of drinkers and drivers in this state, but it scares me how much it happens. If you drink, don’t drive. And if you’re friend drinks, don’t let her drive. This happened a few weeks ago and I still feel guilty, like I’m a really crappy friend.

In the wake of the Sandy Hook school shooting Friday, I started thinking about all of the school shootings in my lifetime.

The first major one, the one everyone references back to, is Columbine. I was in junior high when that happened, and it provoked a serious conversation and led to stricter regulations on school visitors and locked doors.

The next one that sticks on in my mind is what has been dubbed the “Red Lake Massacre.” In March 2005 a student at the high school on the Red Lake Indian Reservation in Minnesota killed his grandparents before going to school and opening fire, killing five students, one teacher and a security guard.This one sticks out in my mind because I was living and attending college in near-by Bemidji, Minn., where the victims were given medical care. It was a little surreal when our small lake town was on CNN, especially for something so horrible less than 40 miles from home.

While the next major and deadliest shooting was Virginia Tech in my senior year of college, the shooting at Northern Illinois University in Dekalb, Ill., had more of an impact.

I was in my second semester of grad school at Columbia College Chicago and had planned to meet a few classmates for a “St. Valentine’s Day Massacre” party at the Green Mill in Uptown. Al Capone, at one point, was a part-owner of the north side speak easy. I was busy with school and then work all day so I hadn’t seen the news before I got to the bar. Boy did I feel like a horse’s ass for planning a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre party the same day a kid 70 miles away shoots up his school.

I guess my point is that I’m a silly little insignificant being, and I’ve been close to two major school shootings. This happens waaaaaaayyyyyyy too often. It just needs to stop.

How is the question the talking heads are trying to answer to no avail. But I think more hugs may help, at least help the healing. But this is coming from a girl who believes that most conflicts can be resolved with a best two-out-of-three game of rock-paper-scissors. I might be a little soft.

I guess there really is no point to this, just that I’m sad and its Christmas time and people are arguing and I think we just need more hugs. Hugs are good.

Hugs and prayers.

A recent opinion piece by Suzanne Venker has really got me pondering what feminism really is. Ms. Venker seems to be under the impression that it is solely becoming a “career gal,” denying motherhood and burning bras… or something like that.

I don’t really agree with that. Feminism is really about empowering choices. At one point a woman’s only choice was to find someone to marry her and have babies. A lot of women like it, a lot didn’t and a lot wanted that, but more.

Venker is REALLY into the idea of the one-income household, becoming a mom and then building a career. She thinks it’s sad that women go to college to get BA and BS degrees, and not MRS degrees. But she still thinks that college is a worthwhile endeavor, even if becoming a wife and mom is a woman’s main goal. To that I say good luck finding a man who will pay not only his own student loans, but yours, too, and for all those babies you’re popping out.

And I love the way Ms. Venker works in absolutes. Either you have a career, you have a family or you do both at full steam. I think there are a lot of women who would love to work part-time in an industry they love while the raise their children, but for many that’s not possible, and part-time workers have little to no protection like full-time employees.

And for me and many other women, I’m sure, it’s scary to give up your independence. How many of us have heard stories of women who have come to depend on men, only to have them leave for a new model, providing minimal child support and leaving her, who’s only job has ever been to clean poopy diapers and kiss boo-boos, to support herself. It’s scary. And even if he’s a good guy, he could still drop dead at any moment by being hit by a bus or a heart attack, again leaving her to fend for herself. While becoming a full-time mom is valiant, many employers just see it as being unemployed for a long period of time.

But for many, part-time work isn’t an option, either, because part-time workers are pretty much garbage in the eyes of the law. In order to get maternity leave a woman needs to be working full-time at her company that employs at least 50 people for 12 months before giving birth. That means that a part-time worker who’s first priority is being a full-time mom, who may love her job and just want a little adult interaction a few nights a week, doesn’t need the money but wants to have her own, can actually be fired for having a baby. She puts in for 10 weeks off, boss denies, she has the baby and doesn’t come to work, fired for not coming in to work when scheduled. While most employers wouldn’t do that for good employees, it’s legal and that’s what’s scary.

Motherhood and career can happen one after the other or simultaneously if women are given the right tools. This is the crux of feminism. Choices. Which also means that if someone chooses to be childless, that should be respected as well. But so should motherhood. There are no absolutes in life, compromise is always attainable.

Women!

I truly believe that women are the real winners of this election.

With Obama being re-elected Obamacare and reproductive rights are safer, and hopefully this whole “women on birth control are sluts” thing passes over in by the next presidential election.

Women voters “shut that whole thing down” when it came to republicans who chose to open up their big mouths about rape.

And women gained key seats in Congress, especially North Dakota’s own Heidi Heitkamp, who became the state’s first woman to be elected to a national office today when Rick Berg conceded.

So congrats women! You earned it!

Get out and vote!

Vote your heart. Vote your gut. Vote your head.

Just vote.

VOTE!

What do I want you to do?

Vote?

VOTE!